How to be Single…
The other day I was on Pinterest and I was searching “how to cook asparagus” but before I even typed the word cook there were tons of suggested how-tos. The first one said, “how to get a boyfriend”. I thought this was a bit humorous for a couple reasons. One, the fact that people actually look to the internet for a universal blueprint on dating. And two, if you were going to search this, why on Pinterest LOL! But hey, I get it!
Oddly enough, how to be single wasn’t a suggested search on Pinterest or Google. But truthfully, I think in today’s society, the conversation of singleness should be more frequently discussed than that of dating and relationships. Singleness is rarely romanticized or praised. And if it is, it’s usually applauded for allowing freedom and promiscuity. And while this may be true for how the world sees singleness, this is not how God designed it to be.
If you’ve been around here for a while, you know singleness is not a foreign subject of discussion. In fact, my singleness and broken heart were actually what prompted me to bring my blog public for the first time. It still isn’t, nor will it ever be easy, but over the years I’ve learned to love and cherish my season of singleness. I want that for you too! And not to brag or anything… but I’m kind of an expert on how to be single (lol totally kidding). But I hope through sharing these tips and my experiences you will overcome your fear of being single and teach you how to love the season you’re in!
1. Hang out with your girlfriends
Believe me when I say, spending time with sweet friends truly does fill up your soul with so much joy! When I’m with my girlfriends, most the time it doesn’t even matter what we’re doing. We always have fun just belly laughing and hanging out! But if you’re like me, maybe it feels like all your best friends have boyfriends. I have learned to love third wheeling too. No, clearly, it’s not always that fun, but I’ve become great friends with a lot of their boyfriends too. So sometimes it really just feels like we’re all hanging out together! Group hangouts are great too! For me personally, being with friends gives me joy! Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loves at all times” even when you’re single! Take advantage of your girlfriends and the time you have with them!
2. Read the word
Reading the word of God is such a cliché answer for everything. But it’s the truth. Quite literally it’s the written truth of God! My freshman year of college, I started actually reading the bible and taking time to understand what it means to my life. Day by day, the Lord started to reveal big things to my heart. I learned how special I am to Jesus and how much He cherishes my heart. My eyes were opened to how a man is supposed to treat me and what marriage was designed to look like. But greatest of all, the Lord started giving me His desires. He took Psalmd 37:4 and made it active in my life. This verse says, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart”. I always thought this meant if I went to church and loved God, quite simply He’d just give me what I wanted. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. You see, during this time God TRANSFORMED my desires. I fell in love with Jesus, so I desired what He desired for me. This is huge y’all!! Did I still desire to be married? Well duh! But I no longer wanted to just be married. I wanted to be married to a man that loved God more than he loved me. I wanted the man God designed for me and not just any tall, dark, and handsome man I ran into. Start spending intentional time with Jesus y’all!
3. Get Plugged into Christian Community
Christian community is so important! Like I mentioned above, hanging out with the girlfriends is great! Coming to college brought me so many amazing women that love and support me to love Jesus well. That is an answered prayer. But when I say Christian community I don’t just mean hanging out with the girlfriends! I mean get plugged into a church community. If you’re in high school or college, be sure to get involved with a student ministry as well! Utilize the resources they provide: volunteer with your church, teach a youth class, join a small group! This all helps to give you friends (both girls and guys) that are struggling with the same things as you. It also opens the door to great mentors and accountability partners that lift you up in the hard times, and singleness may be one of those times for you occasionally! When you are surrounded by people that love Jesus, you’re encouraged to do the same.
And think about it like this… although not every person you meet at church or your campus ministry will be genuine in their faith, there’s a lot better chance of meeting a man that loves Jesus and respects you there than you are at a bar or a party! I’m not suggesting you go to church to meet someone (LOL) but I am saying, be cognizant of where you are hanging out and the kind of people you surround yourself with!
4. Find Something you’re Passionate About
This is a newly discovered thing for me. In the last year I’ve narrowed down what I want to do after college graduation. I really enjoy politics, law, and government. I like writing and speaking to women. This is just a small clip of my favorite things. I started thinking of what I could do with my future career using my God-given talents and all my interests. I want to help people, to be successful, and I want my life to give glory to Jesus. I’ve looked at internships and jobs. I’ve looked at different states and cities. For the first time in my life, I have set career goals for myself. I have things I want to accomplish and overcome. Once I did this, I started working harder making time for the more important things. I combined the things I’m passionate about and the thing I’m the most passionate about – Jesus. This changed my perspective on my entire future. I no longer believe my future only includes hope for marriage and motherhood, but also professional development and personal progress.
5. Stop looking
This one… it’ the hardest one for me. I feel like every day, no matter where I’m at, I’m always thinking things like, “could he be the one?”, or “what if I met my husband today?”. But I can’t tell you enough how hard it is to actually stop my mind from running away with these thoughts. I used to think these thoughts were sinful, but I’ve learned they’re actually healthy and holy. It’s okay to desire marriage girl! Believe me you’re not alone! So, when I say this, I mean stop going out of your way to find him. Don’t slide into that cute guy’s DMs. Don’t ask him for his number or tell your friends to introduce you. This is hard for me too! But God intends for the man to be the leader and the initiator. If he doesn’t make the move, he’s probably not the one for you. A fact I have to remind myself of daily is that God doesn’t need my help. I often underestimate the power of the creator of the universe! I’m sure so many of you do this too! But today I want to remind you of my current favorite bible verse.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
The Lord does not withhold any good thing from His people! So that means if you’re not in a relationship or married right now… that’s a good thing! God knows every little detail about your life before it even happens. Take heart and know that He is working all things out for your good! Stop looking for Mr. Right and start looking towards Jesus.
Just like there’s no perfect outline for dating, there’s no perfect anecdote for remaining satisfied in singleness. But I pray you found encouragement from these words and have seen a little hope for joy in your singleness!